Ek baar sardar ji kahain jaa rahe tahe k ek diwar par padha “padhne wala gadha”
Sardar ko bohat ghussa aya, unhon ne mita kar likh diya! “likhne wala gadha”
Train mai ek husband apni wife say: “tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon.”
“dil karta hai tujhe kutttay k aagay daal doon”
Samnay wala passenger bola: “bhao bhao”
Wife mere iraday baray neek hain, aap 1000 mai ek hain.
Sardar: mera dimag bara taiz hai, pehlay ye bata baki 999 kon hai?
Sardar looked himself in mirror and said:
Is ko kahain dekha hai. Then he said:
Oye yaad aya, ye to woh he kamina hai jo
Shaadi ki album main meri biwi k saath hai :p
Santa: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Santa: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Banta built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?
When asked him, he said,
“Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming.
Banta: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know?
Banta: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new
Santa: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Santa: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call”.
Judge: Don’t U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Banta to judge: U R coming daily, don’t U have shame?
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Santa: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Santa in airplane going to Bombay . While its landing he was excited and shouted: ” Bombay … Bombay ”
Air hostess said: “B silent.”
Santa: “Ok. Ombay. Ombay”
Banta got a sms from his girl friend: “I MISS YOU”
Banta replied: “I Mr. YOU” !!.
After finishing MBBS Banta started his practice.
He Checked 1st Patient’s Eyes, Tongue & Ears with a Torch & Finally Said: “Oye, Torch is okay”
TEAchEr ne ClASs me laDake kI COPY chECk karate
hue usase kahA- “muJHe hairAnI hai ki tum akele
itanI sArI galatiyAN karate ho.”
laDake ne khaDe hokar kahA- “ye sArI galatiyA
maine akele nahI ki sar, mere pApA ne bhI isame
merI sahAyatA kI hai.”
ek Alochak ne ek lekhak ke upanyAs kI bahut
AlochanA kI.lekhak gusse me Alochak ke pAsS
pahUNchA aur bolA- “AApane AAj tak to koI
upanyAs likhA nahI hai, tum AlochanA kaise
likh sakate ho.”
Alochak- “agar mai murgI kI tarah aNDA nahI
de saktA to kyA huA, AmaleT ke bAre me murgI
se jyAdA jAnatA hu.”
bhikhArI- “das paise kA savAl hai, bAbujI das paise kA …. .”
bAbujI- “are CUM-se-CUM merI aukAt dekhakar mANg,
kyA das paise mANg rahA hai.”
bhikhArI- “bAbujI ek rupaye kA savAl hai.”
bAbujI- “abe… apanI aukAt dekhakar mANg.”
das sAl kA ek bachA baDI talInatA ke sAth
ek pustak paDh rahA tha, jiska shirShak thA,
bachcho kA lAlan-pAlan kaise kare?”
bachche kI mAA ne dekhA to hairAnI se pUChHa-
“tU ye kitAb kyo paDh rahA hai?”
bachchA- “mai jananA chAhatA huN ki merA
lAlan-pAlan Thik se ho rahA hai yA nahI.”
Khush Ho Tum Tu Khushi Meri Ho
Ro Tum Tu Ankhen Num Meri Hon
Ae Dost Hamari Dosti Itni Gehri Ho K
Sarak K Us Paar Tum Pito Aur Ghalti Meri Ho
Khuda Karay K Tum Ko Judai Na Milay
Kabhi Bhi Tanhai Na Milay
Mujhay Sms Na Karo To Kuch Aisa Ho
K Mosam Ho Sardi Ka Or Tum Ko Razai Na Milay
Girl : (Emotionaly)
Darte hain agg say kahin jal na jayen..
darte hain Khwab say Kahin Toot Na jayen..
Lakin Sub Say Ziada Darty hain Es baat say…
Kay App Hamain KAhin Bhool Na jaye..
Boy :
Yeh mat sochna ki hum bhool jayenge tuemhe…
Door rehkar bhi hamesha chahenge tumhe…
Agar Dost bankar raas na aaye to…..
Bhoot bankar darayenge tumhee…
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii….
Fiteh Mooh…Tusin Ethe vii aa gaye !!!
Dil se ek ishq ki Ek application kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se ‘debug’ karna mein wait kar raha hoon.
Tumhaare intezaar mein neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection’time out’ ho gaya
Bhehar ki gali main paan ki dukan
Devdas ne dekhi Paro Ki muskan,
Devdas ne khilaya paro ko paan,
Khake paan Paro bolo”Shukriya Bhai Jan”
Bolaa dukaan-daar, ke kyaa chahiye tumhain
Jo bhii kaho gai merii dukaan per wo paogai
maine kahaa ke kutte ke khaane kaa cake hai
bolaa yahiin pe khaaoge yaa leke jaaogai
Kar diya izhare-ishq hamne telephone par,
laakh rupaye ki bat thi,
do rupaye main ho gayee (wah wah)
Kaash Tere Chehre Pe
Chickenpox Ke Daag Hote
Chand To Tum Ho Hi
Sitare Bhi Saath Hote
Khirki khuli zulfein bikhri
Dilne kaha dildar nikla
Par haire meri footi kismat
Nahaya hua sardar nikla..
Bas!!
Mujhse aur nahi hoga…
Main hi karun to ap kab karoge??
Maine apko kiya na!!!
Chalo ab ap karo…
Karo na…
I’m excited….
Karo na…
SMS
Gabbar: Ye haath mujhe de de thakur, ye haath mujhe de de!!!
Thakur: Le le kutte, magar do haath to pehle hi tere paas hai ab kya
’sherawali mata’ banega…
1 ladke ki shadi nahi ho rahi thi,
Wo mannat mangne gaya.
Wahan uski Maa khai me ghir gayi,
Wo bola – “Ya Khuda teri Khudai Apni to mili nahi Bapu ki bhi gawayi”.
An old rich man marries a young gal.
Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu?
TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…!
Boy : Janeman! Tute huye dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi.
Girl : Harmkhor! Tuti huyi chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.
Mere Marne ke baad aey dost aansoo mat bahana…
agar yaad aaye meri to seedhe upar chale aana…
Agar waha me na dikhu to samajh lena tu narak me hai…
Arz hai unki galiyon ke chakkar kaat kaatte
kutte hamare yaar ho gaye,
wo to hamare na ho sake par hum
kutton ke sardar ho gaye…
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
hum DETTOL k siva kuch laagate nahi.
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga,
Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga,
Baap ne kabhi Pager nahi dekha,
aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!!
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha…
Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda….
New sholay :
scene ( viru ke rishte ki baat )
Jay : Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram..!!! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya??
Jay : kahan mausi, 2 saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai…
Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 2 saal se Satyam mein hi hai..
Jay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary
bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?
Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi..
Mausi : Hai hai …!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..?
Jay : Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin milti hai na… Mausi..
Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?
Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi
anban..
Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ..???
Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi
likha hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!
Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?
Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!!
Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le…Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi
sauteli maa nahi….Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu
se shaadi kar Le par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi .
Devdas ko babu ji ne kaha ghar chod do,
Maa ne kaha paro chod do ,
Paro ne kaha sharab chod do,
Par TUMSE kis ullu ne kaha sms karna chod do…
Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.
Ab suraj ko hi dekho lo aata hai USHA ke saath,
Rehta hai KIRAN ke saath
Aur jaata hai SANDHYA ke saath.
Hum ne jindagi ki shuruaat ‘s’ se ki.
S se SURAJ
S se SUBAH
S se SWAGAT
S se SAAZ
S se SANGIT
Par fir ‘s’ se SAMAY ne aeisi karvat badli ki ‘s’ se hamari SHAADI ho gai.
Aur fir jivan ka arth ‘s’ se SAANS,SASURAL, SALA ,SALI, SASUR aur ‘SANKAT’ ho gaya .
To hum ‘s’ se SAMADHI lene wale hai, is liye ‘s’ se thoda dur rahena mere yaro.
Pyar karnevale PARESAN ho jate he
Shadi karnevale SHARABI ho jate he,
Divorce denevale DEVDAS ho jate he,
Ham se Dosti karnevale MSG SE MEHARBAN ho jate he.
Ravan ki 20 aankhein thi magar nazar sirf ek aurat pe; jab ki aapki 2 aankhein aur nazar har ladki pe…!
Toh asli Ravan kaun??…bolo bolo
Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne candle jala di aur bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to plz candle bujha dena
* Bahu: Maan ji, yeh abhi tak nahin aaye, kahin kisi dusri ladki ke saath…
Saas: Arey kalmuhi, tu hamesha ulta kyun sochti hai? Aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki kisi truck ke neeche aa gaya ho
Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment… warm b’coz AC doesn’t work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50
In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@ 15.25 , it’s loss or profit?
Pappu: Profit in rupees & loss in paise
Santa bar vich ro reha si. Bartender: Kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Hor ki karan? Main jis kudi da naam bhulna chahunda si usda naam yaad hi nahin aa reha.
Patni (Pati Se) – Collage ke bare me
tumhara koi katu anubhav hai?
Pati (Patani Se) – Han, Tumhari aur
meri paheli mulakat college me he to
hui thi.
************ ********* ********* **
Pati ghar pahuncha to patani ne goshana
ki – maine aaj naukarani ko nikal diya hai.
Pati udas hokar – Are, use ek mauka to
diya hota.
Patni(Pati Se) – Per mai aapko koi mauka
nahi dena chahati.
************ ********* ********* **
Ek jagadalu patani pati par baras rahi thi
aur wah bichara deen sakal banaye hue
baitha tha.Patni bol rahi thi kayar kahin
ke ,tum aadami ho ki chuhe?
Pati Gidgidaya – Shreemati Ji, Mai aapka
pati he hun agar chuha hota to tum thar-thar
kamp rahi hoti.
************ ********* ********* **
Ek photographer ke pass ek aurat aai aur
boli – Maine apane miya se kaha tha ki topi
pahankar photo mat khinchana lekin topi
utarana bul gaye.Kya aap yeh topi hata
sakate hain?
Photographer Ne Kaha – Ji han lekin aap
yah to bataiye ki aapke shauhar sidhi mang
nikalate hain yan ulati?
