Mera NaaM BoL Ke
Soya Karo
Khidki KhoL Takia Mod Ke
Soya Karo
HuM B Aayege TuMhare
KhayaLo Me
IsLiye Thodi Jagah Chod Ke
Soya Karo
————————————-
Hum ho gaye fana mohabat k is zamane me
Saja k tor pe mili maut paimane me
Mohabat ne nakam kar diya
Warna khubiyaan aur b thi iss diwane me
————————————-
Santa Ko Koi Mobile Pe Tang Karta Tha Santa Ne New SIM Kharid Kar Use SMS Kia Maine Wo Sim Band Kar Dia He Ab Tera Baap b Tang Nahi Kar Sakta..
————————————-
Ab To Iqrar Kar Lo
Aur Na Tadpao
Ab To Bata Do
Aur Na Sharmao
Arre Bol Bhi Do
Ki
Aap
Humse
Bhi Zyada Kanjus Ho SmS Karne Me
————————————-
Santa’s Army Test
Pappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata nahi sir
Mere pass sirf 10 hi ungli Hai ..
Ravi- “Inka Swasthya Bahut Achchha Hai, Kya Khate Hai?”
Nirmal- “Tamaatar.”
Ravi- ” Aur Pite Kya Hai?”
Nirmal- “Soda Water.”
Ravi- “Inke Haath Me Kya Hai?”
Nirmal- “Tharmomitar. ”
Ravi- “”Yaha To Sab Tar-Tar Hai.
Maine Kisi Ke Ghar Me Naukari Karne Ko Kaha Tha Taalab Me Nahi.”
Gopal- “Apke Ghar Me Aag Lag Gai Hai.”
Ravi- “Chinta Karne Ki Avshyakata Nahi Hai, Bimaa Hai.”
Gopal – “Lekin Apki Patni Andar Jal Rahi Hai.”
Ravi – “Koi Fikra Nahi Uska Bhi Bimaa Hai.”
Sharabi Ravi- “(Dusare Sharabi Se) Yaar, Mai Kal Bharat Ka Pradhanamantri Banunga.”
Dusra Sharabi- “Tu To Tab Banega Jab Mai Istifaa De Dunga.”
Ravi Ne Kuchh Sochkar Kaha- “Pitaji, Mai Tumhe Apni Baarat Me Nahi Le Jaunga.”
Pita Ne Aashchryachakit Hokar Kaha- “Kyo Bhai, Aisi Kya Baat Hai?”
Ravi Ne Kaha- “Aap Bhi Muje Apni Baarat Me Nahi Le Gaye The.”
Ravi Ko Uski Maa Ne Pita. To Ravi Bhaagakar Chaarpaai Ke Niche Chhip Gaya.
Uske Pitaji Ghar Aye Aur Puchha- “Ravi Beta Kaha Hai?”
Uski Maa Ne Hath Se Ishara Karte Hue Batayaa Ki Chaarpaai Ke Niche Chip Gaya.
Uske Pitaji Ghar Aye Aur Puchha- “Ravi Beta Kaha Hai ?”
Ravi Bola- “Pitaji,
Kya Apko Bhi Maa Ne Maara Hai Jo Yaha Chhipane Aa Rahe Ho?”
Teacher- “Bachcho, Jo Kuchh Puchhna Ho Puchh Lo. Ab Pariksha Najadik Aa Gayi Hai.”
Ravi- “Bas Aap Itnaa Bata Dijie Ki Prashn-Patra Kis Pres Me Chhap Rahe Hai?”
Kaafi Raat Gaye Ghar Lautane Ke Baad Ravi Ne Minu Se Apni Safai Pesh Karne Ki Koshish Karte Hue Kaha- “Tumhe Pata Hai, Muje Ghar Lautane Me Itni Der Kyo Ho Gayi.”
“Janti Hu. Lekin Tum Apni Mangadhat Kahani Sunaakar Apne Dil Ka Boj Halkaa Kar Lo.”
Chacha- “Ravi, Tu Bada Shaitan Hai.”
Ravi- “Aisa Mat Kahnaa Chachaji, Nahi To Log Aapko Shaitaan Ka Chacha Kahkar Bulayenge.”
Ravi Ke Aspataal Me Daakhil Hone Ki Khabar Paakar Amit Use Dekhne Aspataal Pahuncha. Uske Sar Par, Badan Par Jaha- Taha Pattiya Bandhi Dekh Usne Hairan Hokar Kaha- “Yaar, Abhi Shaam Ko Chh Baje To Maine Tumhe Achchha Khasha Dekha Tha. Tum Minu Ke Sath Juhu Bich Par Baithe The, Achanak Yah Kya Ho Gaya?”
“Yaar, Jo Tumane Dekhaa Thaa Wahi To Meri Patni Ne Bhi Dekh Liya Tha.” Ravi Ne Kaha- “Wah Apne Police Inspektar Bhai Ke Sath Us Samay Waha Ghum Rahi Thi.”
Ravi- “Tumhari Umr Kya Hai?”
Rakesh- “Baarah Saal.”
Ravi- “Pichhle Varsh Bhi Tumne Yahi Kaha Tha.”
Rakesh- “To Kya Mai Apni Baat Par Atal Na Rahu?”
Raju Simaran Ki Ghadi Lekar Ghadisaaj Ke Paas Aya.
“Aap Chabi Kab Bharte Hai?” Ghadisaaj Ne Puchha.
“Raat Me.” Raju Ne Uttar Diya.
“Isaliye Itni Kharab Ho Gai Hai.” Ghadisaaj Bola- “Krupya Subah Chabi Bhara Kare.”
“Tum Hamesha Murkhtapurn Baate Kiya Karti Ho.” Raju Ne Simaran Se Kaha.
Simaran Shant Swar Me Boli- “Sab Sangat Ka Asar Hai, Yaha Aane Se Pahle Mai Aisi Na Thi. Mera B.A. Ka Certificate Is Baat Ki Gawahi Hai.’
“Start Ho Jaane Ke Baad Is Gaadi Ka Break Hi Nahi Lagta.” Simaran Ne Raju Se Kaha.
“Kya Tumne Bhi Is Gaadi Ko Drive Kiya Tha.” Raju Ne Puchha.
“Haa.” Simaran Ne Batayaa.
“Tabhi To Tumharaa Asar Is Gaadi Par Pad Gayaa Hai.” Raju Ne Chhinta Diya.
Mahila Neta Simaran Aurato Ki Ajadi Ke Paksh Me Bhashan De Rahi Thi. Wah Aurato Ko Dimaagi Taur Par Purusho Se Uchch Siddh Karna Chahti Thi. Usne Kaha- “Akhir Pagalkhane Adhiktar Purusho Se Hi Kyo Bhar Rahe Hai? Diwane Adhiktar Purush Hi Kyo Hote Hai?”
Tabhi Waha Maujud Logo Me Upsthit Simaran Ke Premi Raju Ki Awaj Aai. “Are, Unko Diwanaa Banayaa Kisne?”
Sangitakar Raju Se Simaran Ne Kaha- “Kya Aaj Raat Ke Liye Aap Apna Sitaar Aur Tabalaa Muje De Sakte Hai?”
Kyo…. Kya Mera Gana Sun-Sunakar Aaj Aapka Bhi Man Gane Ko Kar Raha Hai?” Kalakaar Raju Ne Kaha.
‘Nahi Aaj Mai Aaram Se Sona Chahti Hu.” Simaran Ne Jawab Diya.
Ek Sabha Me Simaran Ne Bade Naaj Se Ithlate Hue Raju Se Kaha- “Wah Samne Baitha Vyakit Najaro Me Teri Tarif Kar Raha Hai. Muj Par Mar Mita Hai.”
“Haa Wah Purani Chijo Ka Vyapari Jo Thahra.” Raju Ne Utar Diya.
Simaran Ne Raju Se Puchha- ‘Aap Sharab Pite Hai?”
Raju Ne Kuchh Der Chup Rahane Ke Baad Kaha- “Pahale Yah Bataao Ki Yah Prashn Hai Yaa Nimantran.’
Thasaathas Bhare Train Ke Dibbe Me Budhiya Sikudi-Sikudi Khadi Thi. Saamane Lete Babu Sahab Use Dant Chuke The. Tabhi Simaran Raju Ke Saath Train Ke Dibbe Me Aai.
“Badi Bhid Hai.” Simaran Ne Raju Se Kaha.
“Aap Baithiye Na.” Lete Hue Babu Sahab Ne Kaha.
Simaran Apne Purane Premi Raju Se Milane Uske Ghar Par Pahunchi.
Raju Apne Chhote-Chhote Bachcho Par Bigad Rahe The.
“Ullu Ka Pattha… Shaitan Ka Bachcha….. Suvar…. .”
Tabhi Samane Se Aati Simaran Bol Uthi- “Kya Baat Hai? Kyo Savere-Savere Apne Rishtedaaro Ko Yaad Kar Rahe Ho.”
Chintu-Pinki Ne Jab Ek-Dusre Ko Shadi Karne Ka Vachan Diya To Pinki Boli- “Magar Dear, Ek Baat Mai Pahle Hi Saaph Kar Dun.”
‘Kya?”
“Muje Khana Bananaa Nahi Ataa.”
“Koi Baat Nahi Priy.” Chintu Bola- “Mai Bhi Pahle Hi Ek Baat Saaf Kar Deta Hu.”
“Kya?”
“Mai Ek Kavi Hu…. Mere Ghar Me Pakaane Ke Lie Kuchh Hota Hi Nahi Hai.” Chintu Bola.
Simaran Ek Hi Pyar Ki Rat Lagati Hui Boli- Mai Tumhe Chahti Hu… Mai Tumhe Chahti Hu.”
“To Fir Tum Mere Sath Shadi Kyo Nahi Kar Leti Simaran?” Raju Bola.
“Please, Apni Jaban Se Mat Firi.” Simaran Ne Munh Banaate Hue Kaha.
Ek Roj Hamare Yaha Party Thi. Saari Taiyariya Ho Chuki Thi. Mai Table Set Kar Rahi Thi. Kaam Jaldi Ho Jaye, Yah Sochkar Maine Apne Miyaa Raju Ko Almari Se Chainaa Plate Nikalne Ko Kaha.
Thodi Der Baad Unki Kichan Se Awaj Aayi- “Suno Yaha To “Med In Chaina” Wali Koi Plate Dikhai Nahi De Rahi Hai Kaha Par Rakh Di Hai Tumne?”
Muje Us Samay Wakai Samaj Nahi Aaya Ki Mai Unki Baat Sunakar Hansu Yaa Rou?
Sangit Adhyapikaa Ke Pad Hetu Niyukti Ho Rahi Thi. Interview Ke Dauraan Prashn Puchha Gaya Ki Shastriy Sangit Aur Disko Me Kya Antar Hota Hai?
Simaran Ne Uttar Diya- “Sar Aur Paanv Ka Antar Hai.”
Saakshatkarakartaa Ne Puchha- “Wah Kaise?”
Simaran Ne Jawab Diya- “Shaastriy Sangit Me Log Sar Hilate Hai Aur Disco Me Paanv.”
“Wakil Sahab! Mere Pati Bahut Hi Gande, Ghatiya, Dhokebaj Insaan Hai.”
Wakil Ne Hairaan Hote Hue Puchha- “Magar Aap Aisi Baat Kaise Kah Sakati Hai?”
“Kyonki Mere Ek Bhi Bachche Ki Shakl Unse Nahi Milti.” Simaran Ne Uttar Diya.
Vidhan Sabha Me Bahas Ke Dauraan Simaran Vidhayak Ne Vipakshi Neta Raju Se Kaha- “Muje Malum Hai, Aap Kiske Isharo Par Bol Rahe Hai.”
Vipakshi Neta Ne Kaha- “Yaha Bahas Me Aap Meri Patni Ko Kyo Ghasit Rahi Hai?”
Davaa Vikretaa Raju Ne Davaa Ki Prashnsa Karte Hue Kaha- “Kaisa Bhi Gala Kharab Ho, Is Davaa Se Ekdam Thik Ho Jayegaa.”
Is Par Simaran Ki Chh Varshiya Putri Dipa Ne Kaha- “Mammi Le Lo, Papa Bhi Apne Swetar Ka Galaa Kharab Bata Rahe The.”
Baatuni Simaran Ne Raju Ka Dhyaan Apne Kesh-Vinyaas Ki Or Aakrusht Karaate Hue Puchha- “Kyo Ji, Kano Ko Baalo Se Dhakkar Kaisi Lagati Hu?”
“Kano Ke Bajaay Munh Ko Baalo Se Dhak Liya Hota, To Jyadaa Achchhi Lagti.” Raju Muskurakar Bolaa.
Moti, Bedaul, Fasionable Simaran Ne Sabjiyaa Kharidate Samay Lauki Me Nakhun Gaadakar Dekha, Bhindi Ki Nauk Todkar Dekhi, Ninbu Ko Dabaa-Dabaakar Parkhaa, Tamaatar Ki Sakhti Ka Jaayja Liya, To Sabji Wala Tanik Khijakar Bola- “Madam, Maaf Kijiyega, Kya Aap Itni Jaanch-Parakh Me Paas Ho Sakti Hai?”
Jinke bo hota hey, bo hatt meyn hilate heyn
Jinke bo nehni hota heyn bo ungly laga kar hilate heyn.
Pata hey kya hey bo ? Bo hey tooth brush.
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… .
A child had never seen his hips
Once his teacher hit him on his hips.
Childn come back to home & see the mirror,
& said
Kamini ne do tukde kar diye.
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… .
Biwi ka antim sanskar kar ek aadmi ghar ja raha tha.
Achanak….. Bijli chamki tufan Aaya aur barish Hui,
Dukhi Aadmi bola “Lagta Hai Pahuch Gayi.”
………… ……… ……… ……… ……… .
KABHI KABHI
MERE DIL ME
KHAYAL AATA HAI……..
..
..
..
KABHI KABHI
MERE DIL ME
KHAYAL AATA HAI……..
KAHA THANA
KABHI KABHI AATA HAI,
AAJ NAHI AAYA
AANE KE BAAD BATAUNGA….
Changu:-Dekho meri shadi-ko 20 saal guzar chuke hay aur
aaj deen tak main ek hi stee-ko prem kar raha hun.
Mangu:-Ye to bahot achhi baat hay.
Changu:-Aur khatarnak bhi,jo meri patni-ko iski jaan (pahechan)
hote hi woh muze jaan se maar dalegi.
Champa:-Kal mere pati sath meri ladai ho gai,
ghusse-me unho-ne kaha ke tun jahannamme jaa.
Manju:-Fir tune kya kiya?
Champa:-Main us-se kya dab jaungi,main aaj hi mere piyar jaati hun..
Champa:-Are manju,aaj kyu teri ankhen suji hui hey?
Manju:-Kya kahun? mera baba (Mangu) sari raat ro raha tha,
unghta hi na tha.
Champa:-To ik halrda ga dena tha.
Manju:-Gaya, par mangu-ke pappa-ne kaha rahene de,
iss-se to mangu ro raha hey ye jiyada achha lagta hay….
Ek Bhakt ne Sant se poochha- Hey Prabhu, “aisi Patni ko kya kaha jata hai Jo Khoobsoorat ho, Buddhishali ho, Samajhdar ho, kabhi kisi ki Earsha na kare aur haan bhagwan, khana bhi bahut hi swadishta banaati ho.”
Sant ne aankhen band ki aur dhyanmagna hote huwe bole “AFWAH…..”
*********** ********* *****
Ek machchar ka bachcha tha. Maan ne usase kaha – Bachcha ab tujhe udana aa gaya hai.. Jaa ab tu khud ba khud udana shuru kar de samajha.
Machhchar ka woh bachcha pehli baar swayan ood kar ek chhota sa chakkar laga aaya.
Jab lauta, sab besabri se uska intejaar kar hi rahe they. Sabne milkar poochha, kyon re chintu, kaisi rahi teri pehli udaan.
Bachcha chhati phula kar bola – SUPERB…..main jahan jahan se gujara log taliyan hi bajate rahe…..!!! !!
1980 girls: Maa mei Jeans pehanungi
Maa : Nahin beti log kya kahengey ?
2009 girls: Maa mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maa: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!
Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika?
Dono ne kapde tyag diye,
ek ne desh ke liye,
doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!
Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai
Judge: U r crossing the limits.
Lawyer: Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge: How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer: My Lod, I said kaun ‘Sa Law’ kehta hai? (my favorite)
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon
rupaye fase huye hain.
Generation Next Motto:
Na hum shaadi karenge,
na apne bachchon ko karne denge.
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!
What’s the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it’s the same dog ! TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO! “!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell “crocodile”?
PAPPU : “K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
PAPPU : I is…
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, “I am.”
PAPPU : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
TEACHER : “Can anybody give an example of “COINCIDENCE? ”
PAPPU : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-
TEACHER : “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish
him?”
PAPPU : “Because George still had the axe in his hand?”
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, Im here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir baju wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay Visit Us @ www.MumbaiHangOut.Org
************ ********* ********* *********
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
************ ********* ********* ********
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
************ ********* ********* *******
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho “Sohan Bhai Died”.
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do….. Acha likho……. ……… .
Sohan Bhai Died – Suzuki for Sale .
************ ********* ********* ******
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kha kha k thak gya hun pr kya karoon card me likha tha “Dinner 7 to 10pm
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q le rahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
************ ********* ********* *******
EK KANJOOS KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
KANJOOS NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda..
